myles_eve's Journal

Ripped from my paper journal.

My moment of pride swallowing meant one thing: letting myself be emotionally weak in front of others.

A bit of backstory: the series two finale of Torchwood would be an epsiode from hell anyway. But this also meant the little 5 person mini family would be torn to 3. Just reading the script had me in tears and the moment one of the 2 died on camera did me in. As soon as "Cut!" was called I was out the door, not wanting to let anyone see me cry. But I found out later on via Naoko that John, Gareth and Burn all wanted to go after me. I also found out after going back to wrap up "Little Dorritt" that Freema had been tipped off. But that proved something to me, it's ok to be a little weak and to be weak in front of your unoffical family is ok. I also found out later on I was not the only one to crack: all of us had those moments. As for me I came down with the mirgaine from hell the day after filming wrapped and again when the epsiode aired. The 5 of us made each other promise not to watch it alone and we kept that promise, the effects of that epsiode ran the map in that respect.

The 5 of us have a unique bond: partly from being such a small cast and well the Who-verse itself is a unique world to be a part of. Each show is one branch of a tree and Torchwood is just one branch. But that moment taught me its ok to let my guard down: especially among the group of people that have become more than my costars. The 5 of us are a second family in even sense minus being blood related.

Maybe my emotions do get the better of me half the time but now I learned something about myself: being a little weak among friends is better than the headache I'm bond to get from pushing my feelings back. Now I'm listening to my heart a little more and making my head see its ok to have a book binge or slip out of Cardiff for a weekend now and then.

To be honest: its already tempted to book a quick holiday to someplace warm thanks to the weather so ideas?